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    1. #21
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      SLB's craze for heavy eye-brow castings in the movie padmavat,..

      Funny narrations,...

      The time period depicted in this magnificently shot film indicates, Vasco De Gama hadn't been born yet and it further meant, evil British hadn't arrived in India and had not brought with them the little metallic steel tweezers (hair pluckers), that women of today employ to pluck out the extra unwanted hair on their eyebrows.


      In 12th and 13th Century, fames and folklores about beauty of Royal Princesses and Queens spread around by how dense and thick their eye brows were. Thicker and denser the eyebrows of a Princess (Any woman for that matter), more beautiful she was.

      Metalic tongs and pliers that blacksmiths of Rajasthan used to make, were simply not meant for plucking out eye brow hair one by one and though thanks to wax of honeycombs, waxing of unwanted hair from forearms and legs was a mastered practice amongst harems of various forts and palaces across subcontinent, eye brows remained untamed, dense and thick as moss all across.

      Ignoring all screams and protests of Historians, Bhansali shows Alauddin Khilji (Ranveer Singh) as a maniacal bull type of character who gorges on meat-feasts, has stoned devilish looks, indulges in debauchery on his wedding night and obsessed about adding more and more dense eye brow Princesses and Eunuchs to his harem of Queens and concubines. He has a very dense eye brow Queen wife Mehrunnisa (Aditi Rao Hydari) and a Eunuch lover Malik Kafur (Jim Sarbh). Bhansali could not find more dense eye brow girls to play roles of Khilji's other real wives in life, Malika-E-Jahaan, Jhatyapali etc, so lets not divert to that side.

      So on one hand we have a stoned, maniacal, high on hormonal urges massive Bull like Alauddin, on the other side we have a pint sized khargosh look Rana Ratan Singh (Shahid Kapoor). Padmavati is the most beautiful girl of her times as she not only has dense eye brows but as if by a miracle, her two eyebrows are joined together actually and in Bhansali's adaptation, that makes her the dream woman of her times. Pint Sized Rana is approximately the same height as a fully grown male Deer, so very correctly, Bhansali shows arrow shot by single eyebrow Padmavati meant for Deer's heart piercing Rana's upper chest area on left side. Arrow pierces Ratan Singh's left upper side and bewitching beauty of Padmavati's joined eyebrows his heart, which is few cms below the arrow wound.

      Pint sized Ratan Singh and Single eye brow Padmavati marry and return to a Palace of grandeur and opulence at Chittor.

      After few Bhansali dances and dialogues Ratan wants to kiss this incredible single eye brow but evil priest of Ratan one Raghav fellow too had gotten smitten by this single eye brow and he indulges in voyeurism, gets caught. Ratan wants him imprisoned but Padmavati wants disgraced Raghav to be exiled so that he tells the world how beautiful single eyebrow of Padmavati is.

      Raghav marches to Delhi and brainwashes a drugs-stoned Alauddin Khilji. Khilji stops munching on kilograms of lamb meat, stops dancing to entertain his soldiers, hell even stops his bath tubs session with his Eunuch paramour Malik Kafur (Dense eye browed Jim Sarbh silly).

      Mehrunnisa (Aditi Rao Hydari), whose dense eye brows any way were not getting any attention of Khilji is devastated by Khilji's new obsession to have single eye brow bewitching beauty Padmavati in his harem.

      Mehrunnisa's simple logic is Khilji is totally into drugs and debauchery but why the hell he should have this testosterone urge of "One more for me'? She tries impressing Khilji with beauty of her forest thick eye brows, but Khilji says your eyebrows are not joined together and come what may, I want Padmavati.

      Alauddin Khilji invites Khargosh Ratan and Single Eye Brow beauty Padmavati to enjoy his hospitality, but they refuse.

      Malik Kafur tries convincing Khilji his eye brows are dense and most beautiful and Khilji should not try to bring a Souten of Kafur but Khilji slaps him and lays seize of Chittorgarh Fort.

      Pint sized Ratan Singh goes into a huddle with his advisors. Edited out versions reveal his Ministers told him we have ration meant to last only few months and if seize of fort goes on, we will die of hunger inside the fort.

      Bhansali's Ratan Singh says austerity and strict rationing would send wrong signals so we must have grandest of Sanjay Leela Bhansali celebrations on Holi-Diwali-Lohri-Onam-Baisakhi-Christmas even Guru Nanak Jayanti! ---His Minister tells him Guru Nanak will be born after 200 years, so they give up on Guru Nanak Jayanti celebrations, but celebrate all other festivals in grandeur and style! So Team Khargosh is shown having a ball while Team Beast is visibly starving.

      In exasperation, Khilji gives up after 8-9 months and volunteers to come alone to enjoy Ratan Singh's hospitality. Obviously his intention is to be just able to see this beautiful single eye brow woman, but then saying that openly would be red rag to Karni Sena. So Bhansali disguises it nicely and Khilji eats to his heart's content while looking around for beauty with joined eye brows.

      Its time for goodbye and Khilji's raging hormones can take it no more.

      He requests to be shown joined eye brows, Pint Sized Ratan throws a fit and then Bhansali logic takes over.

      Khilji who gave up on the idea of continuing seize of Chittorgarh Fort and in a way lost the battle, gets a sudden unexpected bonanza and Ratan Singh shows him Padmavati (Or Padmavat?), but she vanishes even before Alauddin's blink gives him a chance to focus on her eye brow region.

      "Show me the eye brows, ...show me the eyebrows... Khilji pleads and screams.
      "No way you will get to see the eye brows... Pint Sized Ratan Singh dismisses the Bull Khilji pleadings and confrontation resumes.
      Yet again, Bhansali logic takes over again.

      8 Months of wasted time in seize of fort, it hadn't occurred to dumb Khilji that he also had fire canon balls that could be catapulted to smash open fort walls and end the seize within minutes. Finally wiser, he returns with the arsenal and starts bombarding the fort left, right and center.

      I started yawning at this point and do not recall what all happened thereafter.
      Anyway why not give few spoilers for an out and out spoiled movie?

      Of what I remember, Khargosh comes to dine with Beast, Beast does a hahahaha and arrests Khargosh, one eye browed beauty Padmoo gets enraged and taking help of Mehru, the Dense eye browed wife of beast Khilji, rescues her Cheeku Khargosh.

      Bhansali's Khilji has nothing better to do in life so like an obsessed moron, he once again leaves his Delhi throne and charges for Chittor. Shame on present day Delhites who feel lazy to visit their friends and relatives in NOIDA or Indirapuram, that too in the comforts of their Air Conditioned cars.

      Finally, the Khargosh comes out and its pint sized Khargosh vs tank like Bull fight. Bhansali logic takes over again and Lo and behold...Bull is on the verge of getting vanquished. Predictable behaviour from treachorus side yet again and valiant Khargosh gets martyred.

      Khilji starts screaming in delight,WOW------Yayyy--------Now I will get to see one eyebrow beauty, I will get to see Padmavati... But Padmavati says go to hell and immolates herself and in the process, her beautiful single line eye brow as well.

      Khilji returns to his dense eye brow Mehrunnisa and to Malik Kafur, his Eunuch lover who incidentally has the best eye brows in film!


      A couple fight got audio-recorded from a Bungalow at Bandra.

      KAJOL: Sanjay Leela Bhansali is your friend na? You did one film with him naa? That Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam?

      AJAY: Haan. Ki maine wo film. Toh?

      Gardan tedhi mat karo. -------------Film shoot nahin hai ye. -----------Ki maine matlab? -------------You didn't know Bhansali needed a one eye brow girl for Padmavati?-------TUMNE MERA NAAM KYUN SUGGEST NAHIN KIYA?

      AJAY: Arey yaar---Main khud ro raha hoon. Bhansali ne mujhe Khilji ke role ke liye poochha tak nahin! Aur tu hai ki? Padmavati...hunhhh

      Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Ajay is a Cheater! Bhansali is a Cheater, Cheater, Cheater. Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Oh God!


      Wondering! Had Bhansali named this film as EYEBROWSVATI or EK BHAUNHVATI, not one protest would have been there, not one cut demanded. Sad!



      Much more photo coverage here,......Monalisa's Smiley thread - Page 2536 - Snehasallapam - Malayalam Cinema Reviews, News and Updates

      Last edited by P_Jani; 01-31-2018 at 11:04 PM.

    2. #22
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      What Movie Padmavat was lacking / missing,....................... IMHO,... ??

      I would say, "Climax - Ending scenes" !

      I still, not remained total satisfied with,… the last Johar scenes,.. somehow,.. !!

      When kshatriya veerangnaayein were circling the 'agni-kund' in laal joda for da last ' fera' of their lives !

      btw,...I watched the ending scene of “ Padmavat “ , 3-5 times on-line and somehow I still felt, it never was any effective what it should have been,…… while having such a marvel and excel Historian topic and subject-matter in hands / sleeve of SLB ever,….. and that was " Johar + Shaaka,… "

      Rajput’s “ Kesariya “fight to a bloody - level , cut throat bodies even carrying on fightings,… was never shown as effective,… as it should have been,…
      We have shown and seen the total blood-shed in movies like,.... Gandhi, Gaddar, Border, Bahuballi-2.. etc
      But here, it was needed very badly,.. no ,matter the movie had to suffer the " A" certificate !

      And the 'end black screen' imo, falls little too earlier and unexpectedly that’s what I felt,… !

      Dipika’s speech was just ok and not that excellent,… Imo, in the last music scenes,…. Some heavy and diff. chanting music was needed,….

      Budhham sharnam gachhami,
      dharmam sharnam gachhami.
      Sangam sharnam gachhami

      Budhham sharnam gachhami, dharmam sharnam gachhami........ That sort of other loud chantings were needed,…

      If you had seen the movie, “ Eyes wide shut “ by Tom Cruise,… during the above scenes, that had used ours Hindu dharma's Sanskrit slogans chanting music,.. that kind of music was needed,….

      If in the movies like Mohgabbaterin, K3G, Baghbaan,.. where Ameetj i always give excellent and holding speech at the end,… ( In all Yash and Kjo’s movies )
      while here, having such a marvel topic in hand,.. SLB could had done a whole lot, lot, lot better,..inviting Big B for teh thich voice speech at the end,...

      Also,… the movie remains incomplete without the thick voiced with heavy heart flying n’ ending, kind of wrapping up speech of, one and da only,. Big B,… ( which was missed dearly, like in Lagaan and many other movies )
      It should have something like this,…

      Aadi-anaadi kaal se mugal aur musleem turk raja o’ ke yun atyachar, jurm, vedna, yanta o ke ghuntt, halala, harem, necrophilia .. atyachar, balatkaar yun hote hi aaye hai,.. aur, hamare rajputo ne bhi toh apna dhad alag kar ke bhi, bina sar,.. ladte rahe hai,.. hamari veer kashtria viraangna o’ ne bhi toh apni nem kabhi nahin chhodi,….jal-marne mein kabhi paachhi-paani nahin ki,… badan ko agni ki ahuti yun hi sadiyon tak deti rahi,.. Jaise jaise uun ke atyaachar badhe, .. vieraangnayen bhi bali ki aag pe jalti rahi,…. Yaahom aur Om-swaha, Jay Bhavani,.. karte huye samuh agni-snaan kartii rahi,....... magar, apne deh ko kabhi gair-mard ke sparsh se, a-pvitra nahin hone diya,…....daaman ko maila katayi nahin hone diya,....… Jaise jaise uunke julm badhe, Hamaari kshtraniyo ki pooja badhi,….......... ( sort of ) and so on,..on that track,.. and then,…

      Chanting by Big B of,..

      Yeh Mahaan Drishya hai,.. Chal raha Manusya hai,..... Jal raha manusya hai,..

      Tu naa kabhi zukega,....... tu naa kabhi thamega,.. Tu naa kabhi haarega,...

      Kar shapath,.... Kar shapath,... Kar shapath,....

      Ashru swet raqt se,... Khun se lath-path, lath-path, lath-path,.. .. agni-path, agni-path, agni-path,..

      And then chanting of his whole poem,…. written By his father,…

      वृक्ष हो भले खड़े, हो घने हो बड़े, एक पत छाव की |
      मांग मत, मांग मत, मांग मत ||
      अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ |||

      तू न थकेगा कभी, तू न थमेगा कभी, तू न मुड़ेगा कभी |
      कर शपथ, कर शपथ, कर शपथ ||
      अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ |||

      ये महान दृश्य है, चल रहा मनुष्य है, अश्रु स्वेद रक्त से |
      लथपथ, लथपथ, लथपथ ||
      अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ |||

      And,… dearly the scenes missing were,…. Showing more of khilji running like a mad all over with ashes in hand,… and all around in mahal,..... under the music n’ slow background scenario of,….. ( more hammering was needed ) ......... “ khaali khaali khurshiyan hai,.. khali khali tamboo hai,.. khali khali dera hai,….. Jeena cheeriyon ka basera hai,…. Raakh ka dhera hai,.. bas, andhera hai,… !!
      Deewaron se maathah patak patak kar pagal sa ho jaata hai,….. uus ki wife bhi aaa ke use hanste huye,.. shikh ke shabda deti hai,..
      aur Tab,.. Deewaar’s echo comes,. Laughing and roaring,......... doing Haa Haa Haaa,........... the Deewarein-ghost also gives him a torture-ful tutor-speech,…advice,.. ..
      " Mil gayi tuje apni Padmini ! " Jara himat hai toh, uus Raakh ko bhi haath laga sine se laga,...... uus mein bhi toh abhi bhi yeh taqat aur jalan baaki hai,.. tuje jala kar khaakh kar dene ki !

      " Mrut Pashu ki khaal se,.. Loha Bhasma ho jaaye ! ........"

      IMO this kinda stuff was missing and hence IMO end was not effective,…. it must havehad other 10 minutes for extreme torture and Big B 's summation speeches,...... with those scenes of Johar and Kesariya of Rajput's
      winding on the screen over and over, among Big B's speeches,..

      If SLB wanted, could had taken it to an extremity,.... that no eyes had left the theater,... without not just only with the wetted corner of eyes,
      but a berry-size tears-drops,...... falling shamelessly, all over the clothes and wetting them,…


      Last edited by P_Jani; 02-01-2018 at 08:05 AM.

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